He's My Best Friend & I Wanna Punch Him in the Nose

My best friend Jeff is just that, my bestest & dearest male friend. He's originally from West Virginia & he has very old fashioned ideas in regards to holding doors open for women, paying for meals, bringing a girl flowers, things like that. I love him dearly and have known him since I was 15. He taught me how to work on old cars & his grandmother taught me the WV mountain way of giving someone the bird (there's a twist to the wrist to give it pinache). I met Jeff not too long after I moved to Florida. I was hanging out at one of the local teen party places when he asked me if I was of Native American heritage. I thought it was the weirdest pick up line in all of my young years & I told him to watch it, or I'd just aim for his nose & be done with it. He laughed & said "no no no, my mom is a hairdresser & is looking for someone with long dark straight hair for a hair show she's got coming up to do some styles to. I swear! Here is her card, call her on Monday." And that's how we met. His mom had been my hairdresser ever since that fateful Monday when I called her to verify the wrestling jock's story (he was wearing his high school sport jacket with the wrestling emblem on it). Ever since then, we have been inseperable! Aways hanging out together,, double dating to the high school dances or to movies, covering for each other on drunken binges (hey, HE puked in the plastic garbage pail & warped it,! I just puked over the side of the bbuilding-no harm, no foul!) A few times over the years he has irritated me enough to threaten to punch him in the nose like the night we met. One of which happened to be when he told me he had gotten engaged to a certain person (named omitted to protect the innocent). Oh Lord was that a fiasco! His outdoor wedding-in August.in Florida!-was a joke and the marriage lasted all of 4 months before she wierded out and he had to file for divorce. Another time I wanted to sock him one was when he threw me over the side of a railing at the beach & I landed on my wrist & sprained it & my fingers. I could have popped him one-but then I learned never to let him drink koolaide & rum & believe the words: "trust me-Chris will catch you!" Especialy not to believe those words when I'd been drinking vodka & cranberry juice all evening long as well. Oh yeah, THAT was a fun ER visit. When Jeff pinned my escort doors closed by him & Chris each parking on either side of my car about an inch & a half from it so I couldn't open the doors & I was forced to climb in through the hatchback-and I was wearing a skirt to school that day: yup I wanted to punch them BOTH in the nose! I was late for my appointment because of those two AND I made an ass out of myself-literally-by mooning the entire parking lot that day as I climbed over the year seats! Ahaaaaaaah, modesty not withstanding that day. He made up for that by going out one Friday night to 528 Island in drag as an apology to me. The boy looked good in a short skirt I must admit-his legs were cut from working out & his chest had definition so we stuffed the bikini top so it looked like he had boobs. When we were in 7-11 paying for gas, the attendent hit on us "....hey chicas....looking gooooooooooood mamas!" and Jeff turned around with his mustache & blew the guy a kiss. I laughed so hard I nearly wet my pants at the look on the guy's face-it definately made up for it. I've gone to his doctor appointments with him to hold his hand while the doc drained the fluid out from behind his knee with a huuuuuuuge ass needle since my boy Jeff is terrified of needles and he's also given me hell over the years for my tattoos. He's been there for me through all of my surgeries and ongoing recovery as I have veen for his. I hate that he injured his back 10 years ago and has to walk with a cane. He's a wonderful guy& some people can't seem to see past the cane. His last girlfriend couldn't deal with it after 6 years of being together & left on a bad note. I hate to see him by himself because I know he has so much love in his heart & fun in his veins. He's just an awesome guy. We've never dated because some people are just meant to be friends & that's us. We can talk about anything under the sun & nothing is off limits, even when I want to punch him in the nose at times.