Sarcasm And Humor 2 services I offer for free

I was sitting in front of my laptop one day responding to an email when I decided to add a tagline at the bottom of my note. It went something like this: Two fish in a tank. One fish said to the other fish, you steer & I'll drive. I don't know why I added it. I just did. I have a dry sense of humor at times and a wickedly sarcastic streak as well. It's a flip of a coin as to which you'll encounter on any given day. To say that I'm only a little sarcastic is to say that water is only a little wet! Go figure. Not everyone appreciates my brand of humor, but then you know what? I really don't care. Now that's a surprise huh? Sarcasm is another genetic trait that runs in our DNA, like brown eyes, brown hair, & quick replies. We can't help ourselves. It just comes naturally. Humor & sarcasm are just two of the many asinine services that I offer free of charge to anyone, whether they order either of them or not. It's like a 2 for 1 deal you didn't know was coming. When I worked in retail during some of the busiest holiday seasons, I would get some of the dourest humorless shoppers at my cash wrap. I just can't help myself sometimes & let my inner imp get the best of me, and I do it all with a straight face, which just eluded my co-workers! But everyone clamored to work a cash wrap or area with me. It's just one of those quirks in my nature, I amuse people around me. Ok, those who are up on my personality that is. Here is an example of a busy cash register ring up with a nasty customer without a clue: Customer: I spent the last 30 minutes dumping all the folded sweaters off that display over there looking for one in blue in size XS, do you have any more in back? Me: No ma'am, everything from that line that you so clearly threw hither dither on the floor was everything we had. My apologies for our store being a failure & not pleasing your tastes. Customer: So there aren'yt any in back that you could look for me? Me: Nope but I'd be so ungratefully happy to stop ringing up the lady you stepped in front of to go look in back whenI know for a fact that I brought out every article & personally folded it size label side up to make it easier to look through so you specifically wouldn't dump it all on the floor & make my dept. look like a K-Mart after a blue light special. All said with a smile mind you. Customer: Oh no, I'll wait till you're done. So you can help me next. I never stop removing the security tags or taking care of the original woman I was helping as I grit my teeth & smile& the same woman continues to ask questions wanting me to find her stuff. Me: After the first customer is done &I'm helping the rude lady. I really appreciate the mess you've made for nothing that you've wanted & I hope you have a wonderful day. I ring up her purchases & hand her the crap she's bought. Have a nice day & fruck you very much! Customer: Excuse me? Did you just wish me a good day or say fuck you? Me: Ma'am, is there something wrong with your purchase? Please have a nice day while I help the next person in line & move your frat asp if you would. Customer: What What? Did you just say fat ass? Me: I'm sorry, if there is a problem here, I'll get a manager & security & have you escorted from the store. I won't tolerate language like that used in my presence or the presence of other shopppers! My co-workers would have to leave the area because they couldn't deal with it. I can keep that tirade up for hours. It's my perogative. It's how I deal with situations or nasty people without losing my job. If you say it fast enough, low enough & with a smile, most people are in such a hurry & in a huff, they don't catch on to it right away. And the others around you, by the time they do, they aren't sure if you have a lisp but they know you're being pleasent & that the rude person is swearing & being beligerent while you're all grins & courtesey. Guess who wins in this situation? Me. As for my sarcasm? I have it in spades. It rolls off my tongue like water off a ducks back. I have tons of sarcastic replies that I can pull out of my....er um... thin air at a moment's notice that go over like a fart in church & usually stopping my opponent in his tracks. I'm good like that. Like the scorpion said: It's in my nature. I also tend to like groaners. I seek out corny phrases & use them in tag lines or I'll send whole email notes consisting of them. It amuses me to do so. What did the fish say when he swam in to the concrete wall? Damn. See what I mean? Aaahh sarcasm & humor, 2 services that I offer for free. You may not like either one, and that is supposed to bother me how?