Depressive moments

It's true when the medical & psych books talk about slight confusion being a form of mild depression, or depressive moments in a person's life. It's also true that laughter can be the best medicine at times.Endorphins are the body's natural "drugs" kicking in to lift your spirits so to speak. It's when the laughter stops & the endorphins subside, that the confusion & unhappiness can creep back in, like shadowy thieves on silent feet. It's not a big thing & it's less & less these days. But it's there to greet the inner self at certain times throughout the day. There is no actual cure for this, except to become whole again. Anything less is unacceptable. The words: but you're alive, you're here, your brain works, your mind thinks are no longer enough to curb the returning tide of malcontent within. The desire to stretch wings & fly, dance among the water reeds, swim with the manatees, or run all the fingers through sets of notes, hold fragile items within the palms & actually feel them. To create again, to be strong again, to be whole again, now. Not two years from now or possibly never, entirely unacceptable & unbearable to consider as part of the possible future. It's not even a question of accepting what has happened to bring this about. A form of acceptance has occurred, regrets have been displaced by anger, unhappiness at what can no longer be done alone, some confusion as to why now, why me. Mostly just unhappiness at the injustice of it all. Medication is not considered & fought at every turn as it is not a "cure" and in some cases a cause. A need to believe that this is not forever, the hope that it isn't when others are getting better & yet deep down, the hurtful realization that maybe, just maybe, this is it, all there will be.